Chat & Cut

"For the Archer character, who begins inside Travolta's body and then spends most of the movie inside Cage's." - Roger Ebert

Real Facts

Face / Off has a 93% Rotten Tomatoes Score. That same year, James Cameron's ~~excuse to be the explorer of the sea~~ epic, Titanic, was nominated for 14 Academy Awards (tied for first), won 11 (tied for first), the first movie to earn over a billion dollars, and is the second highest-grossing film all of all time ($2.18 billion). It only has an 88% Rotten Tomatoes score.

Nic Cage won an Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in Leaving Las Vegas, which is about a suicidal drunk who falls in love with a hooker. Basically, it's Pretty Woman in Las Vegas, if Richard Gere was a suicidal drunk, and instead of Julia Roberts there is only sadness. Nic Cage has more Oscar Awards than Peter O'Toole, Glenn Close, Roger Deakins, Julianne Moore, Amy Adams, Michelle Williams, Ridley Scott, David Fincher, and Paul Thomas Anderson combined. Yes, Nic Cage.

His following three films after receiving the Oscar were about switching his face with another man, fighting convicts on a stolen plane while rocking a mullet, and a Michael Bay film about rescuing hostages on Alcatraz 37 years after it closed. At least he wasn't in Crash. The six films he starred in this year are...who cares.

"Because I believe that the second half of this movie may be one of the best second acts of any film in the last 10 years, I'm not going any further with the storyline. To use the words of Sean Archer during this act, "The plot thickens."" - Keith Simanton

"I've been chasing this guy ever since I joined the force. He has no conscience and he shows no remorse. He's the mastermind behind numerous bombings and political assassinations. He has a felony list a mile long, murder, arson, kidnapping, terrorism, you name it. He's the most dangerous and brilliant criminal mind I've ever known. For years I've been watching him, tracking him, studying his every move. I know his every mannerism, his every facial tick gesture. I know him better than he knows himself. And now after all this time I've finally figured out a way to trap him. I will become him."

For $3.99, you too can dress like an international assassin. Did you know, Lewis Powell, in conjunction with the Lincoln assassination, used a fake mustache when he attempted to assassinate United States Secretary of State William H. Seward. Powell failed, but he was only hung and got to keep his face. So, there is that.

Did you know, between 140,000-3280,000 birds a year are killed in America by turbines? No, you don't care? OK, we'll move on.

I think it is safe to say that the scene where a famous male-actor, dressed as a Priest, sexually assaults a female teenager, in public no less, hasn't aged so well. Also, it is the closest the movie comes to representing real-life. At least in 2017 there are no longer cases of people turning a blind eye to sexual harrassment...

As always, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

"Face/Off, the new John Woo film, is superb late-pagan entertainment. I can see it on a double bill with "The Burning of 100 Christians" or "Watch the Alligators Eat the Slaves" at some suburban Roman multiplex, circa A.D. 212." - Stephen Hunter

Is it too late to get Cage casted in The Young Pope season two? Look at that face, and try and tell me you wouldn't love it! Mel Gibson was in Daddy's Home 2, so are you really telling me we can't give this guy a second shot at being a real actor, or a real person? While we're on the topic, Mel Gibson made a movie called The Beaver. It's basically Leaving Las Vegas if Cage, still a suicidal alcoholic, was an awful CEO of a toy company, and instead of Elisabeth Shue as a hooker, she is a beaver hand puppet.

Yip Harburg wrote the lyrics for "Over the Rainbow" which he won an Oscar for along with collaborator Harold Arlen. It was nearly cut from the Wizard of Oz because some thought it interrupted the pacing of the movie. Today, it is considered one of the most iconic songs ever. John Woo interprets this as, "Someplace where there isn't any trouble...Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away...Behind the moon, beyond the rain...it's Nic Cage, lets blow some shit up!"

"Almost indefensibly violent, the film is one of those whirligigs of wit, barbaric energy, blood spatters and firepower that will be adored by the morally retarded among us -- like me -- and loathed by the morally superior. But who has ever cared about them?" - Stephen Hunter

Can you imagine this kids therapy bill after all of this? Is it more or less than the budget of the film? Is there any chance this kid doesn't become a pyschopath? After watching Mind Hunter, I am now an expert at judging the likelihood of someone becoming a serial killer, and young Manson here is coming in hot at a 99% chance. Also, how has Hollywood not made a sequal about this kid growing up into a Dexter like character, but instead of collecting vials of blood, he cuts off their faces? You're telling me you wouldn't go see this, or I should say, watch this on Netflix?

Have you ever swam a mile? It's as cool as a colonoscopy or a pap smear performed by a doctor with a severe cause of the yips. Catalina Island to the mainland in Southern California is 20.1 miles. For comparison, Michael Phelps' only swims, on average, 8 miles a day. I call bullshit.

Yeah, (John Woo) can direct an action scene. And Michelangelo could paint a ceiling. - Quentin Tarantino

If you were unaware, John Travolta is Nic Cage. Travolta is Cage. Travolta is Troy. John Travolta is Castor Troy! Shea Serrano is not Neil. Neil is not Shea. Unless Neil is Shea than Shea is Neil. Wait, I'm confused. Who is who again? Who am I? Am I me? Oh Jesus. I need my therapist now.

"Could any other actor eat a peach for hours? Actually, can anyone eat a peach for hours?" - Cameron Drezelo

Arnold was Mr. Freeze in 1997. Cool. Sly was in Cop Land (good), but he was also in something called The Good Life, which was never released (no bueno). While we are here, The Good Life also had Dennis Hopper, Sly's brother Frank, and Andrew Dice Clay and it was about three guys going to Miami from Jersey. It's a big surprise that a cast consisting of a brother of a star (always a good sign), a notorious maniac (I assume Hopper really was Howard Payne, like, in real life), and a comedian who dressed like an extra from The Road Warrior didn't work out. Weird.

Michael Douglas actually blamed his cancer on oral sex. I'm going to go ahead and leave this one alone.

What are the odds that a fifty-four-year-old man who dresses like this would even know what hockey is? Hot take alert, Johnny Depp is one of the most overrated A-lister of the last twenty years. Since 2003, can you name any movie he was good in other than Black Mass and his cameos in 21 Jump Street and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? (It's never a good sign when one of your three best performances was a 5-minute appearance as a character you were known for in the 80s.) And don't you dare say Find Neverland, it was awful and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that this is guy won an Emmy for mocking another blowhard? In Baldwin's defense, he isn't going to cause the world to end, so there is that. Is that the proper use of ironic? I suck at Enlgish.

"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol." - Steven Seagal

So, in a truly jaw-dropping twist, Sean is asked to disguise himself as Castor in order to get into prison and pump Pollux. And he does -- through an operation that literally removes both men's faces and puts Castor's visage onto Sean. - Michael Wilmington

Speaking off dick switches, in 1993 Lorena Bobbitt cut off John Wayne Bobbitt's (see full name rule below) dick. We are talking the whole dick, not just the tip. Don't feel too bad for him, by all accounts, he was an abusive prick (see what I did there) who served multiple prison sentence for assaulting women -- I digress. After finding said penis in a field, John underwent a successful dick reattachment surgery, and he even went on to star in a few pornos. We can take three things from this: 1) it is safe to say, they could, in theory, do a dick swap. 2) I clearly have no idea what I am talking about it, and it should be noted, I base all of my knowledge of surgeries on an episode of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman I saw when I was eight. And, 3) don't raise your son to be an abusive asshole. Oh, and in case you forgot, Nic Cage has an Oscar. The North Remembers.

A face, of course, isn't just skin; it's also muscles, skull, teeth, all of which are left alone. Moreover, face isn't but a fraction of identity -- what about body language, hand size, finger shape, more intimate measurements, odor, musculature? What about waist? Cage must be a good 34; Travolta's easily busting that big 40. - Stephen Hunter

OK, say I buy into the whole face swap surgery thing (I don't, but it is a movie, and no, this does not stop me from wasting way too much time thinking about all of this crap), and John Travolta is Nic Cage in this scene. Fine, but they way Dr. Moreau explained it, the only thing swapped are the faces (perhaps their penises but this is still unconfirmed), and their voices are changed by some mystery box placed in their vocal cords. So, things like endurance, strength, coordination, and just overall fitness remain because everything else is purely cosmetic. How the fuck does Travolta, as Cage, perform any of the actions scenes? Just because you're no longer fat doesn't mean you can now hold a 250lb man with one arm (from the barrel of a gun no less) or turn into Jason Statham during a shootout. In turn, how is Cage, as Travolta, unable to do anything even remotely resembling anything athletic? Yes, he now has love handles, but that doesn't mean he lost his ability to do the things he did at the beginning of the movie. If you put Gordon Hayward's face on my body, it doesn't mean I could then average 22, 5, and 3 a night. Why? Because I am still 5'9 with a 25" vertical jump.

This astonishingly perverse film might have been unbearably perverse if not for the surprising subtlety of its observations. - Jay Boyar

Kiki Vandeweghe is a former NBA player and is currently the Executive Vice President of Basketball Operations for the NBA who also could have been cast as one of Hans Gruber's henchman. Also, Jamie and Cersei should thank Gershon and Cassavetes for pioneering incestuous love on the big screen. As Tina Turner said, "What's love got to do with incest." That's definitely how that song went, right?

But of course it is Travolta who sees Travolta's teenage daughter, because it is Travolta playing the Cage character. - Roger Ebert

It's super weird that Hollywood, which is renowned for their handling of sexual predators and their unwavering willingness to sacrifice profits and personal ambitions to ensure all of the people involved feel safe from harassment and intimidation would allow scenes like this in a movie. Wait, what's that, they don't give a shit about people's fundamental rights and are entirely willing to turn a blind eye to horrifying acts for the sake of the money. Well then, maybe it isn't so surprising after all.

"The movie evidently takes place in 1997 by way of The Jetsons." - Paul Tatara

I've seen a movie where Travolta is space, and you know what, I think it is safe to say, we don't need another movie with Travolta in space. If you haven't seen Battlefield Earth, don't. It's basically Leaving Las Vegas if Leaving Las Vegas was actually The Room set in outer space, and Tom Wiseau had made $73 million from selling coats instead of $6 million. I would rather watch Bangkok Dangerous, Season of the Witch, Trespass, Outcast, Rage, Dying of the Light, Pay the Ghost, USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage, Arsenal, and Inconceivable than Battlefield Earth. Don't feel ashamed if you've never heard of any of those films because all of them are Nic Cage films that have less than a 20% Rotten Tomatoes Score, and I for one saw zero of them. However, what I do know is, nothing can be worse than watching John Travolta dressed as an alien ass clown running around looking for gold in Kentucky.

The movie starts ending after about 90 minutes, and continues to end, over and over again, for another hour. - Paul Tatara

Is Winter's the original Barb? Does anyone still care about Barb? Why were we suppose to care about Barb again? Why don't we care about all of the pilots killed? If you are a pilot who happens to be in an action movie, you are going to die. Let me be clear, just because you can fly a plane does not mean you will die, only if you are the pilot.

"Face/Off is the best action movie of the summer, and it works so well not because of its action scenes -- who cares about watching another attempt to stop a plane on a runway? -- but because of its acting, and the way its intricate screenplay features movie acting in a way never before attempted in such a high-profile movie." - Gene Siskel

The high-tech stuff is flawlessly done, but the intriguing elements of the movie involve the performances. - Roger Ebert

Let's skip over all of the obvious questions about this scene, and go straight to travel logistics and timing. How was Travolta, as Cage, able to locate a phone book, call one of his boys, have said boys drive to him, figure out where the doctor lives, go and get the doctor (does his family not care that he was just abducted?), get the two FBI agents (ditto for the locating and family), and perform a surgery that includes things like adding a face, love handles, and a chin cleft all before regular business hours? Does it take less time to increase one's pants size? Did the doctor perform this entire surgery without any nurses or technicians? Would that not add additional time to an operation? How long did it take Hannibal Lector to remove that prison guards face?

"Don't ask me what birds are doing flying around inside a church, but it sure looks cool." - Paul Tatara

Nick Cassavetes as Dietrich Hassler
Dominique Swain as Jamie Archer
Gina Gershon as Sasha Hassler
Alessandro Nivola as Pollux Troy
C. C. H. Pounder as Dr. Hollis Miller
Robert Wisdom as Tito Biondi
Thomas Jane as Todd Parker if Todd Parker had lived
Chris Bauer as Ivan Dubov
Margaret Cho as Wanda
Colm Feore as the Creepy Doctor
Harve Presnell as Victor Lazarro
Joan Allen as Dr. Eve Archer
John Carrol Lynch as the actor, John Carrol Lynch

"Yes." - The World

Travolta's character thus enters prison wearing Cage's face to find out the bombs' location from other terrorists. But to create that scene, actor Cage, of course, is playing his own character as if he were being played by Travolta's character. - Gene Siskel

In case you forgot, Nic Cage is an Oscar winner. This is the same dude who described his Nouveau Shamanic style of acting (I wish I had the imagination to make this up) as such: "I read a book by professor Brian Bates called The Way of the Actor. I was really just recalling what I read in that, which is the notion that, thousands of years ago, pre-Christian for example, the medicine men or the tribal shamans were really actors. What they would do is they would act out whatever the issues were with the villagers at that time, they would act it out and try to find the answers or go into a trance or go into another dimension, which is really just the imagination, and try to pull back something that would reflect the concerns of the group."

And on the mountain stands...

...no one. It's Face / Off, did you really expect anything else?

"Then they slide into each other's skin." - Michael Wilmington

Does John Travolta have the most massive head in Hollywood? I am not talking about ego -- I mean his actual head. This guy is rocking a Barry Bonds' sized dome piece circa 2006. I'll buy the chin lift, tummy tuck, the Bobbit swap, and the Like Mike fitness exchange, but there is zero shot Dr. Josef Heiter could turn Cage's head into bobblehead sized. (Cage is also two inches shorter than Travolta.) (I love this movie.) (Can you tell that I have the head size of a 12-year-old, and I'm barely taller than Isaiah Thomas and care a little bit too much about height? I swear I'm not insecure about it.)

John Woo hates marriage.

And churches, but he loves doves.

"What "Face/Off" seems to say is that the outer life we create of father, policeman, crook, introvert, extrovert and, more important, how people expect us to act in those roles dictate what we are and how we behave just as much as our true selves." - Keith Simanton

All through the movie, you find yourself reinterpreting every scene as you realize the "other" character is "really" playing it. - Roger Ebert

Travolta, when in the grip of Castor's persona, even gets to make some disparaging comments about his own chin. It's that kind of movie. - Kenneth Turan

Every classic action movie the plot is simple: good guy/girl must take down bad guy/girl. If anyone tries to explain further -- other than who the action star is -- just stop them; everything else is just fluff.

Aliens: Ripley (good) vs. Giant Alien (Aliens are not people, but they are terrifying and definitely bad). Terminator: Sarah Connor (good) vs. Terminator (see Alien). Die Hard: John McClain (good) vs. Hans Gruber (the best kind of bad). Beverly Hills Cop: Foley (good and the best Eddie Murphy role) vs. Victor (Russian); Arnold (good) vs. Predator/Dyson/Doom/Damon/Danny DeVito/anyone else whose name began with a D (bad).

But, you see, in those movies the art of subtle meanings becomes more and more indecipherable as each scene becomes a little louder, and a bit more bombastic.

Face / Off, however, is the exception. The brevity of this film forces us to reflect on the more delicate nuances of life and gives us an opportunity to have a thoughtful conversation about the social strains of our prevailing ideological extremism. What would it be like to live as another man or woman? What is it like to have to walk in another mans shoes? Nica Cage's performance is the closest version of purity this world has ever seen.

I'm just kidding. It's a movie about switching fucking faces, like, for real. It is arguably one of the most ridiculous plots, ever. Nic Cage is an absolute maniac, and this movie is entirely bonkers - the belt can go to no other. (I love this movie.)

Hall of Fame: Face/Off Live With Bill Simmons, Shea Serrano, Chris Ryan, and Jason Concepcion

Real Facts